Summer 2009, I went to China for the first time. It was not my first experience in Asia, so I was familiar with some of the intrinsic Asian habits, so everything was not entirely new. I do not have the pretense of saying China is the same as Japan, even saying that it is similar, is close to blasphemy. However, compared to Western countries, China and Japan do have a lot in common.
The wearing of slippers in the house for example is similar. If you think about slippers in Quebec for instance, you get the woolen slippers, meant to warm up one's feet, especially in winter, from the cold floor. Mot of the slippers we have in mind in the West, are soft ones, that have a range of looks between an interior 'boot' to a home made knit slipper given by grandma.
In Asia however, they wear slippers winter-summer-autumn-spring. The purpose of slippers is basically to make sure your feet don't get into contact to the floor (with the exception of Japanese tatami mats, which require people to be wearing socks only, or barefoot so they don't get worn out quickly). Their slippers usually looks like sandals, with only the tip of the foot covered, and are not necessarily meant to keep warm. In Japan, it took me a long time to get used to wearing them. felt so much simpler just to take my outdoor shoes, and walk in the house, than to bother putting on those damn slippers. Now, when I am home, I cannot walk on the ground of houses barefoot: I can't stand the little dust and pebbles getting stuck to my feet.
...
In China then, when I arrived at the hotel we were to stay at for 10 weeks, I was not surprised to see two pairs of plastic slippers for inside the room - one for me and one for my roommate. They were pretty ugly: def meant to wear inside, more for comfort than looks. They were pretty cool actually, as in, they had a small bubbly surface that help the foot breathe and enhanced comfort.
Those slippers were the trademark of the Pekin 2009 cohort. Everyone - of the 90 students in the program - had those, and some even wore them outside (I did do that as well actually) when going out for a short time to get food or drink on the street. They came to mean a lot to me and I ended up bringing them back home.
Those blue slippers represent my 3 University years. They are now worn out, uglier still than when I got them, dirt never really gets completely off when I wash them and still are really out of fashion.
I have tons of shoes.
I wanted eventually to make a couple of blog entries to show off my shoes, so I decided that this one, would be the first entry about my shoes. My magic Blue Slippers.
Let us end this with a picture, worths a 1 000 words.
Maybe I should just have posted the picture, instead of the 1000 words I just wrote, but I feel they needed a little history, to show how cool they are.
My friend had another photoshoot a couple of weeks ago for a university course and I helped her with it once more <3 Shame I ended up crossing one of her teammate who hates my guts since them.... oh well, one cannot be loved by everyone.
This picture is my personal favourite, I just love the cold feel of it
A while before the shooting, we had had a week of unusual hot weather (in the 30 degrees at the end of March), so the cold of the weather that day was quite hard to bear with.
It was super windy, super cloudy and super humid.
Basically, it was shitty weather.
At least we did not have rain, that would have been horrible.
It took a long time for me to get the pictures, because University classes ended, with the strike and everything, and my friend, who lives out of town, never had the time to get the pictures from her teammate - the one who does not hate me.
So here are a couple of the shots I liked best. The ones with the blanket were meant to be used to create special effects, like blurred images in the water and the like: I did not see the end result, I just have the rough pictures without editing.
Doesn't the mood seem friendly and nice? It was actually cold, freaking cold, and awkward, cuz both I and the guy teammate of my friend were pissed at each other... oh well.
These shots were, I think, meant to have an effect of emptiness, the white space voluntarily left dominant in the picture. I forgot to crop the lamp off and the pole on the top picture... meh, bothersome.
My mom and I recently found a frill and lace book and we decided that we'd try to make some nice stuff with it as soon as we get our hands on a good pattern to follow. When she was my age, my mother had bought a nice kit fo make frills and laces, but never ended up using it and so, the kit is still intact. I can't wait to try to make some stuff. I think it's going to be a lot of work and time, but don't we all love laces?
I mean, don't I?
I think the time and pain is worth trying anyways. Plus, if I succeed in making nice stuff, I'll be able to make frills exactly the way I want and decorate stuff I like around me <3
Today I had my first class of the semester at the university of Quebec. the university recently bought old buildings to make new classrooms, as the programs were all expending quite a lot. Among the new acquisition, they bought my old elementary school, that had closed for lack of kids - we used to have tons of children in my hometown, and we had tons of elementary schools, but lately, as they all grew up and people my age did not have many kids, some of those schools, like mine, closed their doors.
What was not my surprise to actually figure out that I was going to have a class in my old school! So here I was, getting back in my memories, listening to a boring university lecture introduction in a local that used to be my 6th grade classroom. I loved the idea.
Immaculée-Conception, the building that used to be my elementary school. I was such a monster at this time too....
Before my class started, I went around the school to look at how much it had changed. I remembered this school to be such a big one that I found it really hard to believe that it was so small. I mean, I had been really small when I went there I guess. But it is always weird to find oneself face to face with one's childhood memories, and discover that they were all a matter of a kid's perception. you following? Anyways, I found out that the basement, where there used to be a gymnasium, is now hosting the material for some random forestry class - i suppose, since there are all sorts of wooden models in one part of it.
The rest of the gymnasium is still not completed and it made me feel sad to see it in such a dirty state. I mean, I remember our strict P.E. teacher, that was a bit of an OCD: he was probably one of the only teacher in the region who'd actually scold us if we did not change from the classroom indoor shoes to the gymnasium indoor shoes. He really hated having pebbles all over the ground, and insisted that we keep it clean at all times. Now that I look at what this cherished floor looks like, I feel like he'd go crazy... ha ha
I went to work tonight as a helper at the restaurant with my brother and we finished quite late, though it did not end up being such a busy evening. the last two tables ended up staying until 11h30pm so we had to wait until they were done. They left up almost half a bottle of expensive wine however, that we split with the kid who washes dishes. Oh sweet sweet wine. It was not such a bad evening afterall.
When one does not have much to do, it's quite easy to fall into what I could call 'self-contemplation' of one's life road. Doing this lately, I thought a lot about failed relationship and that made me realize a lot of things.
I always knew that generally, unconsciously, girls tend up to attract the same kind of guy over and over again - if it's a good guy that you get, then most of the time that's what you'll find going after you, which is good, but the opposite is also the same, which sucks. More than that, as humans tend to stay mostly the same and big changes in personality are quite rare, you'll also encounter the same sort of problems. Anyways, watching other people around me, that's what I realized. That does not stop anyone from trying on and on and on the same sort of things, hoping that the result will not be the same. Sometimes it works. Most of the time not. Anyhow, judging others, while having them around me is quite easy, but thinking about oneself is probably not so. Personally, I always need long periods of time on my own to reflect properly.
Okay my first boyfriend turned up to be gay.
....for that reason I'll count him out of my generalizations, plus I was 14 at the time. It'll be the exception to the rule. Anyways, since at 14, while I did have probably a worse version of the 'controlled' attitude I have now, but I did not necessarily choose exactly what I wanted, and mostly went to high school, not thinking about what was coming next that much.
After that I had another when I was 17, in my last high school year. That was the first time I actually had plans for a near future: I wanted to do a student exchange to Japan. He hated the idea. Did not want me to leave for a full year. I could understand that a year was long, but as we had been host family before, I knew that highschool student exchange were experiences that were worth it and there would be no other chance for me to go than that year, so I did not even think of considering not going. That was clear to me. Was that selfish? I don't know. I actually don't believe that it was a bad kind of selfishness. Thinking about it now, the firsts boyfriends are people you are infactuated with, with whom you share good times and dreams. They should not be reasons to jeopardize future plan, since logically thinking, they will probably not be in them in the long run.... ha ha ha bittersweet first loves.
In 2nd year University, the guy I was going out with was not from Montreal - the place I studied - he had already travelled twice and lived in two completely different countries before coming to McGill study. We both had kowledge of culture clashes and of the difficulty dealing with them. In my second year, I was planning a student exchange to Korea with McGill University, as they seemed to have sweet programs. My boyfriend was Chinese and, not caring much about Korea, he always found it weird that I'd want to learn Korean. Why Korean, if my boyfriend was chinese? (mind you, I was also learning Chinese at the time) That had always been a touchy subject for us, but I really liked Korean language, and saw no reason to stop learning it anyways. He really did not like the idea of me going to Korea for a full year. More than a touchy subject, it really showed in his attitude that while he'd not directly tell me not to go, he'd be really upset if I did. That time, I considered not going. I thought our relationship was strong enough for me to plan things together, and see what life had in store for us. In the end, I did not apply. There was a one month mandarin course program food/lodging/schooling in Taiwan in June for a really cheap price, and I thought that I would at least get to travel and see a new place, learn a language I wanted to learn, plus having him happy that I'd learn chinese, and not Korean. I really regretted not going to Korea, but I thought I could travel there after I graduate. While I was in Taiwan, we mostly argued every time we talked, and things never really got better over the summer we spent together, and we ended up breaking up in the Fall. That fall I would have been in Korea.
That was the first time I really considered planning my future according to our couple. And it failed miserably. While I cared for the relationship lots more than an exchange - proof, I had chosen the relationship over it - I felt the bitterness all the more, since I lost both at the same time. At that time I decided I was not going to change my experience opportunities for a guy ever again.
But I did.
My ex-boyfriend was also Chinese. He openly hated Korea and Koreans - loads. When I fell for him I was quite in despair, since I knew I wanted to go to Taiwan of Japan the next year teach English and get my Japanese or Mandarin up to date. I remembered my promise to myself, thinking that, even at University age, people should not plan too far ahead in relationships. Instead of torturing myself, I decided to give it a try anyways, see what life had in store. He was not at school, he was working full-time so I thought that might be different anyways. When he heard about my plans of going away he turned quite sad. He did not want me to go and the idea seemed to depress him much. I said that it was going to be in more than 10 months anyways, and instead of going in november, I could always go the following March, as there were two starting dates in the program. We left it at that.
Later on, after a few months together, I started doubting. I starting thinking that, maybe, I was being too selfish, wanting to go abroad while having a boyfriend. While I do have friends that did long-distance - some for years, some for summers at times, and some for a time in between that - and succeed in keeping a loving and sweet relationship - I thought, that maybe it could not work with me. I decided not to go to Taiwan right away. I had planned on taking their financial help - of which a loan is given to me, and reimbursed part by part as I get my teaching paychecks - and go there right after I graduate, but I thought I could move back to my parent's place in the fall and make money by working here before going instead. That sounded all the more reasonable, as I actually would not borrow money from anyone. While I was in University, my parents paid for eveything: now I was going to have to earn my own, so I figured It'd be easier to pile up money if I came back to my hometown, than if I was to pay continuously for an apartment in Montreal. So the plan was to spend the summer in Montreal, and the following year in my hometown, taking the bus to Montreal once or twice a month to see him a few days, and have him come once a month driving down to my hometown. That seemed good to me even if it meant to give up Taiwan for the moment.
After a few month he grew distant and not caring. I thought that what had seemed like a good compromise probably had not been that good. I started thinking I might have been to selfish. After a time, he tells me he was not going to be able to come to m place this fall, as he was really busy and needed to save up money to go to France see a friend. That really sounded mean to me, especially after I put so much effort in calling him very often and going to see him in Montreal. But I thought that I might have been expecting too much, too selfish again. So I decided that next year, I'd not to to Taiwan just yet, but that I'd go live in Montreal with him a year or so, still working full time. That weekend he breaks up with me through the phone, and three days later he is in a new relationship with a KOREAN girl. How ironic is that.
If I do a little synthesis here: guys going out with me can't plan a future together - maybe they are not sure enough of the depth of the relationship to completely engage? - but they don't like the idea that I'd leave the country - lack of trust? - either. I stop my plans: I loose both. wow.
So here comes the title of this blog. Fuck this. I will be selfish. I will not backup on my plans anymore. If it means having no relationship until I finally settle with a house of my own somewhere and stay put, so be it. I think humans need a bit of selfishness regarding their dreams, and the age I am at right now, is the age to experience new things and try on and on. I'll just continue just that. What is wrong in being selfish anyways?
Result: I am staying here at least a year and half (taking university classes, driving classes, making money) and after I'll go to Taiwan or to Korea. This winter I am going to a sweet retreat in a mountain in Japan with my brother. Theses are my plans, and I will change them as I, and only I, see fit. here.
Pretty Pretty trees with pretty pretty pumpkins <3
This weekend was sweet, we went to do a long drive in the countryside with Guri and my parents and we got pumpkins, fresh from the place they were grown, plus potatoes and really sweet and tasty yellow watermelons!! It's Halloween very soon, so yup, they had decorated in a pretty way <3
My mommy and the Pumpkin Castle~~
On the way we went to visit a new part of the UQ (University of Quebec), in Abitibi-Témiscamingue. UQ was built with the idea of making knowledge to the reach of everyone, so they built many extensions if I may say so, to enlarge the school in smaller regions, away from the metropolis of Quebec, Montreal. One of those is in my hometown - Rouyn-Noranda - and is specialized in English as a Second Language Teaching, Multi-Media techniques and regular teaching degrees. The one we went to see is specialized in agriculture and farming, and was built by my father's architect firm. It's aan ecological building the first of it's genre, that produces it's electricity through solar energy, and it's heat from underground heat. It also looks really pretty inside, with a lot of wooden structures, and a wonderful view of the lake in all the professor's offices. It is a nice University with high ceiling and light colors. Nothing to compare with the fail-built University we have in my hometown. The architect firm who got the contract in my hometown really screwed-up. Sadly. Here are some pictures of the nice one we went to see...
The front of the university, with Guri picking up a Laby Bug <3
Another part of the entrance <3
A shot from under the nice wooden stairs in the entrance
I practiced driving with my dad for the first time this afternoon for around an hour. I can't say I was not stressed because I was pretty much tensed all the ride long: how can people even think of going over the speed limit when there is so much things that can influence driving? This is crazy.
When I first made the car move I was completely freaking out: I had so much control over things that was crazy!! That was the only time, when I just started, that I was thrilled. After that, I pretty much was too concentrated on the road, and on telling myself that NO, I was not to be In the middle of the road like in bicycle. I think that, and the turns, were the things I had most trouble with.
I did readings for my courses in the end of the afternoon and went to eat for the first time at Horizon Thai with Fred, before coming back home and watch part of a movie.
** Sorry I had to repost this, I deleted the previous one by mistake. My bad **
It went under zero yesterday night and it was rainy shitty and many other y ending words. The way back from work on foot and from school was really a pain!
However,
I recieved my Cath Kidston bags~~~! So the day is happy, warm and beautiful!
-> here comes the materialistic girl in me
Yes, I HAD to shoot the sheep as well. I had to.
I've already used this one for school and it's just perfect. Bags are best when they stay straight.
I cannot however deny that fall has come and I decided to take all my summer dresses away to wash them for the cold season to come. I'll get my fall and winter clothes out this weekend because, well. I certainly do not want to freeze to death with the lack of good heating - my parents being a little bit too "let's protect the Earth" to heat properly in the house - as I, afterall, still have my new bags to use (~_~;)
I realized something today. As I never had any trouble getting in McGill, and pretty much aced most of my classes - except English and a weird Aztec architecture class I took by mistake - I never really took it seriously, or for a real compliment when people were impressed I got in such a 'prestigious university". I never believed myself to be so intelligent or anything anyways - now I don't know whether that is underestimating myself or being realistic. However, today I realized that, maybe McGill is indeed more on the kick-ass university side, that asks much more from its students than other schools. I just had the presentation of my final paper for one of my classes today: a 7 pages paper in an interview of a teen between 12 and 17 years old. wow. At McGill I would have a paper like this every two weeks or so and the final of those classes would be minimum 10 pages long. And mind you, English papers are far more demanding than French ones, where you can afford to make sentences pretty by rephrasing things endlessly and repeating things on and on. English papers need to be clear, consise: straightforward. Otherwise it's crap. So even filling 5 pages in an English paper is at least the equivalent of content of a 8 page paper in French. Don't expect anything more than a C if you write an English paper the way you write one in French. That is the sad truth of life.
I never believed McGill was so demanding nevertheless. Now I know.
Can I feel a bit proud?
Finally, I'll end this post on what will probably be the last flower of my garden this year, as it is getting quite cold for new flowers to bloom. I remember planting these ones with my mother sometimes like 10 years ago. I think they are called Chinese Lanterns; pretty self-explanatory term if I may suggest. I love this plant. They only appear in Fall, as they are hidden by the other flowers during late summer. When all the others around wither however, the Chinese Lantern seems to emerge from the background and is very pretty to look at.
My hometown is more or less 6 hours from Saint-Jerôme by car (add one hour and we have the time for Montreal/Rouyn). Yesterday with the people at my work, we left for Saint-Jérôme for a Cheese formation by a renown cheese business rep. That means we left from here at 5 a.m. and got there around 11h30, had lunch, learned cheese theory for 1 hour, tasted cheese for 3, and left back home to get back roughly at 12p.m. This day was crazy. At least I had my mind occupied on - if not happy, at least - busy thoughts, as things are not going so well for me these last 2 days.
Cheese is good.
I am so happy these nomad people randomly found out how to make cheese while trying to find ways to bring milk along with them on their journeys. They put it in cow/goat stomach bags as they were quite waterproof, and they found out that after a couple seconds, in one of the stomach - I don't remember which one of the four - the enzymes (rennet) contaminated the milk which turned it into solid matter. That enzyme is actually still the most used to make the fresh milk 'coagulate' and turn into cheese nowadays.
Three ingredient in cheese: Milk, rennet and salt.
So simple and though, so many flavors can come out of it. I love cheese. We tasted tons of them and I almost liked all of them. I really cannot do blue cheese though.
I did try...
Just not my cup of tea.
I went to subscribe to classes at University today. I will be taking two classes starting of tomorrow. I can't wait. I am very curious since I have not taken classes in French for so long. I already know I have a class on Thursday with my friend who is currently doing a French teaching degree.
