It was Halloween last weekend!!! While I did not party or anything, I modified stuff I had at home to make a Maid costume of which the colors would match the restaurant I work in, so I can use it at work. I finished it last Thursday, and wore it Friday in my day shift <3 It was really pretty!!!
Ostrich feather duster and maid apron
<3 right before going to work!!!
As the evening is more of a serious time for dinner and this is a French cuisine restaurant, my boss did not want me to dress up for Halloween in the night shift, but I used the black skirt and my silk shirt and put a bow on my neck to give it <3 <3 <3 <3 an old style school teacher look, as I was being the hostess for the busy Friday <3 <3 <3 <3
It is funny because on Friday morning I took a picture of the Fall backyard and it looked like this...
... and when I left for night shift, it looked like that. We had our first snow in the afternoon!
I tried doing lace patterns on my nails yesterday. I think I ended up with a pretty good result in the end and I am quite happy about it. I love frills and laces. I could wear them all year long...
When one does not have much to do, it's quite easy to fall into what I could call 'self-contemplation' of one's life road. Doing this lately, I thought a lot about failed relationship and that made me realize a lot of things.
I always knew that generally, unconsciously, girls tend up to attract the same kind of guy over and over again - if it's a good guy that you get, then most of the time that's what you'll find going after you, which is good, but the opposite is also the same, which sucks. More than that, as humans tend to stay mostly the same and big changes in personality are quite rare, you'll also encounter the same sort of problems. Anyways, watching other people around me, that's what I realized. That does not stop anyone from trying on and on and on the same sort of things, hoping that the result will not be the same. Sometimes it works. Most of the time not. Anyhow, judging others, while having them around me is quite easy, but thinking about oneself is probably not so. Personally, I always need long periods of time on my own to reflect properly.
Okay my first boyfriend turned up to be gay.
....for that reason I'll count him out of my generalizations, plus I was 14 at the time. It'll be the exception to the rule. Anyways, since at 14, while I did have probably a worse version of the 'controlled' attitude I have now, but I did not necessarily choose exactly what I wanted, and mostly went to high school, not thinking about what was coming next that much.
After that I had another when I was 17, in my last high school year. That was the first time I actually had plans for a near future: I wanted to do a student exchange to Japan. He hated the idea. Did not want me to leave for a full year. I could understand that a year was long, but as we had been host family before, I knew that highschool student exchange were experiences that were worth it and there would be no other chance for me to go than that year, so I did not even think of considering not going. That was clear to me. Was that selfish? I don't know. I actually don't believe that it was a bad kind of selfishness. Thinking about it now, the firsts boyfriends are people you are infactuated with, with whom you share good times and dreams. They should not be reasons to jeopardize future plan, since logically thinking, they will probably not be in them in the long run.... ha ha ha bittersweet first loves.
In 2nd year University, the guy I was going out with was not from Montreal - the place I studied - he had already travelled twice and lived in two completely different countries before coming to McGill study. We both had kowledge of culture clashes and of the difficulty dealing with them. In my second year, I was planning a student exchange to Korea with McGill University, as they seemed to have sweet programs. My boyfriend was Chinese and, not caring much about Korea, he always found it weird that I'd want to learn Korean. Why Korean, if my boyfriend was chinese? (mind you, I was also learning Chinese at the time) That had always been a touchy subject for us, but I really liked Korean language, and saw no reason to stop learning it anyways. He really did not like the idea of me going to Korea for a full year. More than a touchy subject, it really showed in his attitude that while he'd not directly tell me not to go, he'd be really upset if I did. That time, I considered not going. I thought our relationship was strong enough for me to plan things together, and see what life had in store for us. In the end, I did not apply. There was a one month mandarin course program food/lodging/schooling in Taiwan in June for a really cheap price, and I thought that I would at least get to travel and see a new place, learn a language I wanted to learn, plus having him happy that I'd learn chinese, and not Korean. I really regretted not going to Korea, but I thought I could travel there after I graduate. While I was in Taiwan, we mostly argued every time we talked, and things never really got better over the summer we spent together, and we ended up breaking up in the Fall. That fall I would have been in Korea.
That was the first time I really considered planning my future according to our couple. And it failed miserably. While I cared for the relationship lots more than an exchange - proof, I had chosen the relationship over it - I felt the bitterness all the more, since I lost both at the same time. At that time I decided I was not going to change my experience opportunities for a guy ever again.
But I did.
My ex-boyfriend was also Chinese. He openly hated Korea and Koreans - loads. When I fell for him I was quite in despair, since I knew I wanted to go to Taiwan of Japan the next year teach English and get my Japanese or Mandarin up to date. I remembered my promise to myself, thinking that, even at University age, people should not plan too far ahead in relationships. Instead of torturing myself, I decided to give it a try anyways, see what life had in store. He was not at school, he was working full-time so I thought that might be different anyways. When he heard about my plans of going away he turned quite sad. He did not want me to go and the idea seemed to depress him much. I said that it was going to be in more than 10 months anyways, and instead of going in november, I could always go the following March, as there were two starting dates in the program. We left it at that.
Later on, after a few months together, I started doubting. I starting thinking that, maybe, I was being too selfish, wanting to go abroad while having a boyfriend. While I do have friends that did long-distance - some for years, some for summers at times, and some for a time in between that - and succeed in keeping a loving and sweet relationship - I thought, that maybe it could not work with me. I decided not to go to Taiwan right away. I had planned on taking their financial help - of which a loan is given to me, and reimbursed part by part as I get my teaching paychecks - and go there right after I graduate, but I thought I could move back to my parent's place in the fall and make money by working here before going instead. That sounded all the more reasonable, as I actually would not borrow money from anyone. While I was in University, my parents paid for eveything: now I was going to have to earn my own, so I figured It'd be easier to pile up money if I came back to my hometown, than if I was to pay continuously for an apartment in Montreal. So the plan was to spend the summer in Montreal, and the following year in my hometown, taking the bus to Montreal once or twice a month to see him a few days, and have him come once a month driving down to my hometown. That seemed good to me even if it meant to give up Taiwan for the moment.
After a few month he grew distant and not caring. I thought that what had seemed like a good compromise probably had not been that good. I started thinking I might have been to selfish. After a time, he tells me he was not going to be able to come to m place this fall, as he was really busy and needed to save up money to go to France see a friend. That really sounded mean to me, especially after I put so much effort in calling him very often and going to see him in Montreal. But I thought that I might have been expecting too much, too selfish again. So I decided that next year, I'd not to to Taiwan just yet, but that I'd go live in Montreal with him a year or so, still working full time. That weekend he breaks up with me through the phone, and three days later he is in a new relationship with a KOREAN girl. How ironic is that.
If I do a little synthesis here: guys going out with me can't plan a future together - maybe they are not sure enough of the depth of the relationship to completely engage? - but they don't like the idea that I'd leave the country - lack of trust? - either. I stop my plans: I loose both. wow.
So here comes the title of this blog. Fuck this. I will be selfish. I will not backup on my plans anymore. If it means having no relationship until I finally settle with a house of my own somewhere and stay put, so be it. I think humans need a bit of selfishness regarding their dreams, and the age I am at right now, is the age to experience new things and try on and on. I'll just continue just that. What is wrong in being selfish anyways?
Result: I am staying here at least a year and half (taking university classes, driving classes, making money) and after I'll go to Taiwan or to Korea. This winter I am going to a sweet retreat in a mountain in Japan with my brother. Theses are my plans, and I will change them as I, and only I, see fit. here.
Sorry Sorry, I've been lazy. You know, theses sort of depressing weeks, where nothing seems fun to do anymore? I feel like this. As soon as I am done with work, I don't really feel like doing much, plus everything seems boring. I stood up many times in front of the kitchen window, looking out in the backyard, trying to remember what I wanted to do and not finding anything. The weather is quite grey, and the humid cold is coming inside the house, so I don't feel like doing anything that will bring me out of the comfort of a warm blanket/sweater/heat... so yup. I do nothing. I drink tea, and I try to figure out why that's the only thing I feel like doing. I suppose we all have these moments.
Last Wednesday there was a show of Damien Robitaille at our theater, le Théâtre du Cuivre. He is an Ontarian Canadian and I believe one of his parent was French speaker - I really should get informed on this before starting bullshitting but... yah, lazy. I hear he decided one day that he was not going to get 'assimilated' by English speakers, and decided to work hard on learning French properly. He now is a quite well known Quebec artist, singing in French.
Sneak Peak, right before I got scolded for taking pictures inside the theater...
I did not know about him, and had a free ticket from my mother's friend, who had an extra one - her sister having something come up right before the show. My mother could not go herself so she offered it to me. She told me she has seen Damien Robitaille here before, at the FME, our emerging music festival, and had found him amazing, both musically, and as a person. She liked how his lyrics were really interesting, and on really various themes. I went to the show then, knowing next to nothing about him, and left the theater dumbfounded. He is amazing. I would not have found his songs catchy had I heard them at the radio, because I am a pop music fan. However, his, is of the live show kind: you hear it live, you love it for life. Anyways, I agree with my mom, he has a great talent in music, both with his instruments and his voice and a lot of control over it. He is also a really interesting character, and knows how to keep people's attention. Anyhow, bravo! This was great.
If you have the chance to look at the lyrics, they are worth it. His music is really, hm, one of a kind, but worth keep an ear close to it. French lyrics here, easy to free translate I believe, for English speakers....
Are you feeling for a little bit of eye-candy? Here is my version of it~~~<3
Paris Breat - Bistro style, Friday's dessert menu
One for everyone <3
My mother oficially retired this Friday! Luckily there were not many reservation at Bistro Jezz, so I got my evening off, and we went to eat out - at Bistro Jezz... eh eh eh XD - with my brother and his little family, and my parents. We were all the family together, since my other brother was working as well ha ha ha...
Bouquet I got for my mommy <3
Lately since the weather is colder, I got my semi-winter coat out, a pink wollen Coco Chanel style coat, with ribbons and frills <3 I also bought a really pretty knitted neck warmer from my friend's mother. She makes amazing work of her hands and I really like everything she does. You might find something for yourself there who knows!!!
When I got my neck warmer she had included a pretty crochetted flower as a gift inside the package. I really love crochet hand work <3 So pretty!!!
Today we got COMPLETELY raped at work T____T 41 people, one employee less (the one doing the dishes) and only me for waitress. The owner (Jezz) was supposed to do the dishes, but she ended up being my helper for service. One other thing that killed us is the fact that they - for most part - all ordered from the original menu, instead of taking the lunch special course. We survived it though, and I think the customers liked it in the end, without waiting too much. They left smiling in any case, so we are lucky the food we serve is so good. the day compensated for the empty Monday and Tueasday of last week I trust...
No Judging for mistakes....>///< I know there are some XD
For the prep, I had done all the rolling and shining of utensils on Saturday when I replaced a helper that was sick, so I was ready before people entered, so I had fun translating the menu in Japanese - no laughing if I did not translate right XD. I learned that 'pie' in japanese is 'yen'. That is interesting, in that, it must probably come from the shape of the pie itself. Thus, 'sugar pie' is 'sugar yen'(satouen)...
I lent a clutch to my mother's friend for a nomination ceremony she had to attend in Quebec City and she brought it back yesterday, with a little gift in it, a feather accessory for hair she bought for me. She is so sweet <3
Front side Back side
What is the best thing in the world? Well I don't know either. What I know, however, is that after a long stressing week of school and work, taking a bubble bath with a good book, candles and a facial mask, must be close to it. Yay! Another week is over! Time to start anew, once more!!!
After the lasting summer heat, Fall seems to have finally arrived and settled properly in our sweet town. It's been literally raining for the last three days and days were quite grey, as should fall days be. We have had the luck of wonderful rainy days without wind, or next to none, that allows one to walk peacefully with an umbrella without the worry of having it turn over. Nice change with the endless windy Montreal fall weather! I saw a tree the other day that felt like the perfect visual explanation of the late coming fall. A tree, lonely tree, with only two little leaves left on the upper part. This will be the picture of the day...
This week we babysat my little niece for a couple of days, so the house was quite lively and sweet. She had a bad cold and was quite zombie-like the first two days, but the rest she made sure we existed only for her sake. She is adorable though, so I do not resent her attitude - especially since in the end, I was not the one who needed to care for her that much, but just enjoy the good parts. I took the time to do her nails once though, one afternoon: she stayed still for at least 45 minutes, while I made her "princess nails" She was really pretty, even more because she knew she was <3
Félixe's First Princess Nail polish!
I am taking advantage of the fact she is still young to post her picture; later on I will need to ask for her permission...<3
Isn't she adorable? Snow White was never this pretty
My dad and Félixe, reading "Bambi, lost and found" with much interest...
Yesterday my dad had to go to D's place to repair something in her backyard so my mother, daddy, Félixe that we are babysitting for the next few days, and I went along. I really like her place, it's a little haven in the forest and she has a lot of little spots she decorated, small surprises surrounded by nature. She went to India a couple of times and a lot of stuff in her surrounding tells of her tale.
Happy Buddha head near the lake D'Alembert
Félixe who found shining blue stones under an arch of greens
Reading spot and swimming spot by the lake...
Pot arrangements, with glass painting frames shining in the sun
One of my favorite, the Gnome house in the tree <3
Swimming spot in another angle <3
I liked what I wore that day. It was another warm day - around 30 degrees, but very cloudy, so it was not suffocating, while it was quite humid... I wore my new wollen shirt with Simons flower print leggings
Flower Print Leggings
$20
woolen onepiece and flower leggings
My mommy taught me how to do crochet yesterday night, and I'll soon start working on clovers to add to my woolen socks <3 Cant wait to be done so I can start something new again!
Yesterday my parents and I went to the house of family friends for a supper at Lac Long (lake) where they turned their cottage into a house few years ago. It it what I would call a little heaven, with all the fall colors in a 28 degree Saturday afternoon. Since I was young, my parents and 4 other couples of friends with their families took their vacation holiday together and we went for some 15 years in a row to summer resorts in the forest/at the beach - the first 7 years at Wazaga Beach (forgive the spelling if mistake there is) and the rest on an sort if island-like place in the forest, cut from the world with beautiful wooden cottages. These friends of my parents have been friends for a really long time and I remember I've always wished I'd have such nice people around me at their age. Anyways, 3 of the 5 couple-friends met up yesterday, and we skyped throughout supper with one other - incidentally, my godmother and godfather <3. Here are somepictures, I might add other ones, I just did not know which ones to post...
view of the balcony and the lake from the living room
Yesterday at work I had a little time to waste before clients arrived so I had a bit of fun with the unused blackboard - we only use one of the two for lunch time so one always displays the menu of the previous evening.
WELCOME!
Here we have an overview of part of the restaurant; we have around 45 seats
On Fridays I am waitress during lunch-time, and Hostess - as in taking care of phone reservations seating people and making sure we can fit in the most people we can sort of Hostess, not the other kind. Anyways, yesterday, while tipping had not been that nice for lunch, there had been no mistakes or things forgotten so I was really happy, plus, the weather was really nice!!! Sunny and 25 degrees. That was weird, given that a day before we had had frost in the morning for a night under 0. For the rest of the region, who had had frost for a few days in a row already, yesterday was what we call in Quebec the 'Indian Summer', that is, Summer weather for a few days after few days of frost - or most of the time, after the first snow. For my hometown who had only a little bit of frost at night the day before and nice weather for the rest, we just have nice weather, I cannot really call it Indian Summer ha ha.
Anyways, walking around and taking some sun between my two shifts, I really enjoyed the day. At night, the shift also went smoothly, and we took some 28 walk-ins while refusing no one: the timing was perfect for leaving people and arriving people. Overall it was a great day. I finished my shift at 8h45 and went to have supper with my parent as they had a table reserved for 8h30.
Giant shrimps with pineapple-coconut milk and grilled walnuts sauce on wild rice The menu of the day yesterday was simply amazing!!!
Dessert: Fondant au Chocolat. they are made one by one when ordered, so it takes around 15 minutes before they are served, but they are truly amazing >/////<
As the name calls it, the outer side of the cake is a bit crispy, fresh from the oven and the inside is liquid paradise of melting chocolate.
This morning saw a ray of light illuminating the top of the trees of red colored leaves. The frost of the chilly night painted the grass in white while the black lake put its fog coat on. I just love these Fall mornings where time seems to have stopped, the lonely song of a car far away reminding us that we are not alone in the world, in our dreamy thoughts...
Frost taken up to a green plant on my way to work
Yuki's outfit today right back from work. The day was nice, the weather was warm
Today I went to change the limit of my in-bank transfers. Don't you guys think it's ridiculous that banks freeze all money going in the account for 10 days? If all the money stays frozen for so long, what meaning does this have to have any money in the bank itself? Society complains about how much young people are putting themselves in trouble for overwhelming debts, don't ask why that is: by blocking the money from usage for long periods of time - by measures of security - they make sure students and the like take the habit of using their credit cards and spend money they don't have! Don't tell me it takes them 10 whole days to actually look at bank bills and make sure they are not fake ones. That is nonsense. Anyways, now I got my limit raised a lot, so I don't need to worry about having tons of money I can't even use in my bank account. They were sweet - otherwise I would not have been sweet with them myself ha ha ha. Wow, I'm such a bitch about things sometimes...
I bought two new pieces of clothing on my way back home. They are both from a Canadian Company called PARKURST - weird eh? They had nice stuff in that store anyways, for the ones who can look well enough <3
Grey woolen Vest
$130
Beige woolen shirt, really cute and comfy <3
$90
Today was a nice day, the sun was bright, and even though it was quite cold this morning, the light was heartwarming and it was not windy at all. I love this time of the year, where you can wear nice warm coats, scarves and mittens. We had a lot of regulars at my job today, that were all really sweet, and I made okay Tips <3. The ladies were sweet at the shop I went to buy my stuff as well. I went to look inside one store I really like and she took my number for her VIP 2nd year store anniversary event at the end of the month. I might not be able to go since I work most Fridays, but I was happy she asked me <3
I felt like in Asia, the lady saw me looking at this cute needle holder and gave it to me
as 'service', she was a sweetheart <3 Well I DID buy two pieces in her store in 2 minutes
Today is the last day of Guri in Canada. She found it too hard away from her family and friends and she gave up on her exchange experience for that. I find that really sad for her but I hope she will feel alright about her decision later on when she realizes what she missed. I am sad because I am losing a little sister, but it's better to have her smiling back home than crying away from her loved ones. We have a hibiscus tree upstairs at my parents. They both need a good amount of water and a lot of sun so bloom. These last few days we have had chilly but very sunny weather so today, for Guri's last day, we had the chance of having a beautiful flower bloom. I am sure she chose to bloom to say goodbye <3
I apologize for the bad quality of the picture, it's hard to do nice with night artificial light. I will try to take a better picture tomorrow during the day or sometimes this week to replace it with a better one. Here is Guri's bye bye Flower
